My First Week Back at Work!

Bennett Newborn

After I had Bennett I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to go back to work. I quietly cried myself to sleep the night before I went back to work thinking "How can I leave my baby?" I had prayed for so many years to be able to have a baby that I just felt awful leaving him. Obviously, I survived....he survived and so did Brock and now Brecken!

Three babies later and I still dread going back to work.  That begins the day I have them! This Monday came and I did not cry but did feel my heart ache leaving her. I drove to work thinking about it and then I thought about it all day.

After being there for a few hours, I suddenly felt happy... then I felt guilty...because I was happy, what in the world!!?  After thinking about it for a few days, it came to me. Making my children at the office happy makes me happy. It is a gift!! I do not by any means mean it in an arrogant way! It is a gift from God. Being able to do what I do and have the kiddos leave the office with a smile is a gift, having children tell me they want to be a pediatric dentist like me, makes me happy!

What is amazing to me is that it took me days to realize this!  This gift is something that I love to do AND it makes me happy precisely BECAUSE I LOVE IT!

I know that I will continue to struggle to find a balance between being a "mom" and a "working mom" and I also know that I will feel guilty one way or another but, I am lucky that I am in love with both.

We all have gifts and most of the time we do not know what  those gifts are but finding them will help you be happier even in situations where you feel there is no reason to be happy about, like leaving your babies behind to go to work.

Find yours!

xo, L

Brock Newborn

Brecken two weeks old

I Miss My Husband

Being a mom is great. Greatest joy I have ever felt, greatest fear, greatest accomplishment, greatest worry...greatest everything but, once babies come into the picture your relationship with your husband changes. Having said that, I don't mean that it changes in a bad way, it is just different, you are both going in different directions, you do this while I do that, you clean the vomit while I bathe whoever is throwing up at the time. Always one going right and one going left. 

I  love Greg more now than I did when I married him, I love him, among many  other things, because he is such a great dad. He loves on them but he is also tough which I think is good for them too.

But, my oh my!! I miss my baby. I miss our morning jogs, I miss our couch time, I miss movies, long dinners, trips, watching football together, taking naps...Oh ! I can go on and on and on...

I absolutely want to make sure that I do everything I can so  HE knows that he is the only boy in the world for me.

As you know and I am kind of learning this as I go and as our family grows,  it takes work to keep the fire burning...you get so busy that you don't realize that you haven't kissed or told each other something nice.....it doesn't just happen, you have to make it happen.

I have always loved football and now that the season started it is a great time for us...we don't sit on the couch to watch football anymore but, we have televisions that are strategically placed so we can play with the boys, color, read books and catch a little football. You do what you can!!