How much pain can you endure?

Today, was a good day at church. The worship was fantastic and the sermon full of wisdom and good advice.  Sadly, we learned about 2 church families that had unexpected deaths this week. One of those families is people I know from choir. Over the time that I have known them, I have seen them endure pain and financial struggles that I wish no one would have to go through and now a death from a terrible accident.

I have never had to endure a lot of pain in my life. I had a wonderful family growing up and I was always able to achieve my goals with little dissapointment.  I lost an aunt that I loved dearly and I lost 2 babies. I never held my babies because my pregnancies ended early and suddenly but I still cried, my heart was still broken but in my sadness, I was still able to praise God and say, "Your will, not mine". I often wonder if I lost one of my boys or my husband, if I would still be able to praise God. I don't know and it scares me to even think about it.

Seeing this family go through all these difficult times is hard, I wonder ...how much pain they can endure? I don't question God... but I just don't understand why? I guess I will never know because I am not God, I don't know His will or the "Big Picture" in their lives. I do know that the only thing that has gotten this family through is their unwavering faith in God.

As I am writing this and reflecting on what was said in church this morning I guess I am answering my own question... Why? why do they have to endure all this pain? For the rest of us, to learn to be thankful for what we have, to remind us that God is in control, not us and at least for me to continue to try to stay close to the Lord.

When I was trying to put B to sleep this evening, he began to cry and throw a tantrum...I held him and tickled him and I thought to myself...Thank you Lord that I get to put my son to sleep and kiss him good night and sing him a lullaby. After he fell asleep I prayed for the family that won't be able to do that again and I prayed that we as a family don't let ourselves get so worked up about schedules and deadlines and every other thing that distracts us from what is truly important.