My Favorite Time

My boys are getting older...the milestones keep coming and going and I try to take it all in, one of my favorite things to do is to put them to sleep. Last night, I laid down with both of them, cuddled with them as much as they would let me and we all fell asleep, I did not mean to fall asleep myself but...I was dead tired, I am sure many of you can relate.

My Brock gave me some "loves" before he fell asleep and I just about cried! There is nothing sweeter.

 

Sweet Dreams My Loves....

FOCUS....I SAY AGAIN...FOCUS

I worry about EVERYTHING...when my kids get a cold, I worry  they will have some crazy complication and end up in the hospital.  I have said it before and I will say it again, I am nuts! Why? Who in the world knows!

I stress about my boys not looking at people in the eye when they speak to them, I worry about them not saying please and thank you...I am such a bad mom, my boys don't do this or that... I am already worrying about who Brecken will marry and if she will be able to get into dental school.. :) waaay crazy.

Tuesday, I get a call from the Children's Hospital, they want me to do a consult on a child who is waiting for a heart transplant. Little "C".... Great! Just what I need, a heart wrenching visit to PCH. I walk in and my stomach is already in a knot...I walk by all these rooms with sick, beautiful children and honestly, I want to start crying right then and there...but, I have to keep it together and look professional, right!

I speak to the attending who tells me this child has to be fed continuously for 10 hours because any stress  (even from eating) can kill her and I am there to do a dental exam on a child that already hates doctors AND she has pain in her mouth. FABULOUS....anything else I need to know before I force myself in her mouth? Yes! (of course) there is not much you can do because she would not tolerate any kind of sedation for me to be even able to help her...WONDERFUL!

SO, I swallow hard before I go in her room, I turn on my charm, introduce myself to mom AND wake her up to do an exam...I need to repeat myself, YES wake her up to do an exam. I was happy that even though she did not feel like cooperating, she actually allowed me to do an exam! Hopefully, my recommendations will make her feel better but, as I was driving home, obviously feeling guilty about not being home to put my kiddos to sleep, I could not help but think about Little "C"'s mom and how much I am sure she wishes to "just" worry about her baby saying please and thank you, let alone who she will marry. My heart ACHES for her, I just wanted to hug her and tell her "something" ANYTHING to help her feel better but, what can you say? Absolutely nothing. Hopefully soon, she will hear "We have a heart for Little "C", let's do it! I pray she does and ask that you pray for it too.

My lesson, DO NOT SWEAT THE LITTLE STUFF, Focus on what IS important...hopefully one day they will say please and thank you and if not....well, you can always hope.

Happy New Year !!!

Today, was a great day at home. Baking a little, cleaning a lot, enjoying time with family.

Ahhh family! Love my family, although today I got in an argument with my baby brother who I adore...I don't think he knows how much I love him... but, I just have a big mouth and say what I feel. Is that so bad?

Throughout the day, I have been thinking about this year that is coming to an end. As every year in my life, there has been good and bad and I am grateful for both. Yes, grateful for the bad because it has "hopefully", taught me lessons that will help me be a better person, better wife, mother, daughter and sister, hopefully I learned my lesson tonight....keep my mouth shut and don't give my opinion unless I am asked. Oh!!! that is just sooo hard for me!.... Maybe next year!! LOL

We celebrated as a family with the kiddos running around in the restaurant, fighting over balloons...my oldest brother was with us and that was special for us for many reasons.

All the kiddos and the balloons 

My hope and prayer for you is that next year will be one full of love, joy and health for everyone! and for Greg and I,  hopefully a full night of sleep soon, functioning on 3-5 hours of sleep a day is getting to me.

New Year resolutions for moi...be better at everything...as a wife, mom, daughter, sister aaand lose the baby muffin top, wish me luck because I WILL need it.

Love, love and more love to all!!!
ps. thanks for stopping by

Happy New Year !!!!

Not much overwhelms me....but

It took about 12 shots to get this decent one!

Three sick kids though is more than I can bare! I am overwhelmed! Fevers, coughing, runny noses, oh my!!!!
I hate to admit it  but, the older I get the smarter I think my mom is, she  told me "you will never sleep the same after you have kids" she is right, always right! Who would have known!! :) she always has advice that I sometimes choose not to follow only to find myself doing exactly what she said ..... Eventually!

My thanksgiving was....full of snot,  fevers and sleepless nights! Although this was not the most "fun" holiday, I wouldn't have it ANY OTHER way! Although overwhelmed and extremely tired, I am soo thankful for what God has so kindly given to me; His grace, my family, health and more love than I ever dreamt ! 

On a positive note, the Cowboys did win it for us this year!!!

Cowboy Fan #3

Cowboy Fan #2...and dad's hope for a football player

Cowboy Fan #1 and...too smart to be a football player! Helping mom with apple pie

I hope your thanksgiving was great, can't wait for Christmas, it is by far my favorite holiday, I am hoping for dry noses and lots of baking....but, I will take the dry noses if I have to choose!

Give thanks to the Lord for he is good!
Psalm 107:1

One of the saddest days of my life

My cousin Abiel passed away two weeks ago on Saturday. He was 41, married to a great gal and had 3 children. He was diagnosed with colon cancer 2 years ago.  He was soft spoken, kind, gentle, loving, a great friend, and a great cousin to me!

Again, I find myself wondering why... Again, not questioning God but just wondering why...

My dad called me and told me that he was not doing well, I felt that I needed to say goodbye so I called my brother and we flew to Mexico arriving around noon on Saturday, when I came into the hospital room my knees felt weak I kissed him and I just said... "I love you, more than you can imagine" he smiled a bit and nodded.

He is right in the middle, wearing a blue jacket. I am sitting on the floor on the left side with pony tails. 

Church camp  leading worship, he is the second on the left and I am in between his sisters.

We grew up together and spent many days enjoying time with all the cousins, we went to church together every week, went to camps together, took trips together, many, many fond and sweet memories. Spending time with my cousins was one of my favorite things to do growing up.

I could not leave the hospital, I don't know why? I felt I needed to stay...He was restless and I asked his oldest sister if she had sang to him (she has a beautiful voice) she said "No, I can't" and I said "Yes, you can" So, she began to sing, two of my other cousins and my brother were there so, we all sang. The last song we sang was "Amazing Grace"... minutes later he passed away. My dad called his time of death and  said: "God gave, God took, may His name be blessed" We prayed together and thanked God for his life.

I consider it a privilege to have been there. Watching my uncle remove all the tubes and touching his face was more than I could stand, I hugged him and he said "I held him yesterday as a baby and now he is gone" "Love on your children and your husband because you just never know"

I know I will see him again one day and he will be handsome  and smiling like he always used to do.  For now, I will just love on my husband and my children because I just don't know.

My First Week Back at Work!

Bennett Newborn

After I had Bennett I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to go back to work. I quietly cried myself to sleep the night before I went back to work thinking "How can I leave my baby?" I had prayed for so many years to be able to have a baby that I just felt awful leaving him. Obviously, I survived....he survived and so did Brock and now Brecken!

Three babies later and I still dread going back to work.  That begins the day I have them! This Monday came and I did not cry but did feel my heart ache leaving her. I drove to work thinking about it and then I thought about it all day.

After being there for a few hours, I suddenly felt happy... then I felt guilty...because I was happy, what in the world!!?  After thinking about it for a few days, it came to me. Making my children at the office happy makes me happy. It is a gift!! I do not by any means mean it in an arrogant way! It is a gift from God. Being able to do what I do and have the kiddos leave the office with a smile is a gift, having children tell me they want to be a pediatric dentist like me, makes me happy!

What is amazing to me is that it took me days to realize this!  This gift is something that I love to do AND it makes me happy precisely BECAUSE I LOVE IT!

I know that I will continue to struggle to find a balance between being a "mom" and a "working mom" and I also know that I will feel guilty one way or another but, I am lucky that I am in love with both.

We all have gifts and most of the time we do not know what  those gifts are but finding them will help you be happier even in situations where you feel there is no reason to be happy about, like leaving your babies behind to go to work.

Find yours!

xo, L

Brock Newborn

Brecken two weeks old

I Miss My Husband

Being a mom is great. Greatest joy I have ever felt, greatest fear, greatest accomplishment, greatest worry...greatest everything but, once babies come into the picture your relationship with your husband changes. Having said that, I don't mean that it changes in a bad way, it is just different, you are both going in different directions, you do this while I do that, you clean the vomit while I bathe whoever is throwing up at the time. Always one going right and one going left. 

I  love Greg more now than I did when I married him, I love him, among many  other things, because he is such a great dad. He loves on them but he is also tough which I think is good for them too.

But, my oh my!! I miss my baby. I miss our morning jogs, I miss our couch time, I miss movies, long dinners, trips, watching football together, taking naps...Oh ! I can go on and on and on...

I absolutely want to make sure that I do everything I can so  HE knows that he is the only boy in the world for me.

As you know and I am kind of learning this as I go and as our family grows,  it takes work to keep the fire burning...you get so busy that you don't realize that you haven't kissed or told each other something nice.....it doesn't just happen, you have to make it happen.

I have always loved football and now that the season started it is a great time for us...we don't sit on the couch to watch football anymore but, we have televisions that are strategically placed so we can play with the boys, color, read books and catch a little football. You do what you can!!